i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
