I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
