She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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