you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
