Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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