why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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