spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
