Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
