Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
