Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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