At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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