ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
