It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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