her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
