I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
