So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
why do cheetos always look like penises
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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