I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
