you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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