We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think i have two assholes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
