she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
