My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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