I bet he comes in French.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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