I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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