good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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