I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
