dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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