For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
