you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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