I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
