oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
