Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
