the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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