I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
