kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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