Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
