The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
