found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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