Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
