I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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