It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
