I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
