I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
