he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
