Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
