Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
