But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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