I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
