My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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