if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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