I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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