Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
sick fucks of a feather flock together
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
