VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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