my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
