you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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